If I Were van Basten...

Well folks, tonight's much-anticipated Euro 2008 group C last fixture is just hours away, where it's a battle of mind-games and managers trying to outsmart the other. Well thanks goodness I managed to sneak in their office and stole their diaries. And I even got Fabregas' too! Enjoy their diary entries, and by the way sorry for the gay pictures lol ^^ Warning: Some crude humour included!


If I were van Basten...

Just few hours before the match against Romania. Now I have to face a big decision; should I tell my squad to just let Romania win or should I rather keep my pride and own Romania 6-0? If I ask Johan Cruyff he's going to give me a definite "Win with pride" answer. So let me think things through.

If I lose to Romania (on purpose, of course. There's no way that would happen), then I would face either Sweden or Russia. Which is good. And you know what's better? The Les Blokes and the Italians, who even dared to play that bad-boy Cassano, are not going to qualify! Can it get better than that? I'll be the hero! Maybe not...

My pride and reputation is going to be tarnished, Johan Cruyff is going to scold the shit out of me, and I won't even have a chance to manage AC Milan. So what to do...?

If I were Raymond Domenech...

Oh man. Vieira won't be playing tonight, he seems like he's having some kind of terminal illness! When is he ever going to be fit for France? Maybe he should have went to represent Senegal all along!

I must beat Italy, only then will my team qualify. But only if van Bastered's team win Romania. Tough one to tell, only Michel Platini knows whether he will abandon his pride and honour just for me and Donadoni to be banging our heads on the wall. How I wish I could do what Zizou did in the World Cup 2 years ago to van Basten, too bad I forgot to shave my hair or it would be a "WC Flashback". Thierry Henry should be able to play, Gomis should get a new haircut too because he sucks at the moment with it, and Gregory Coupet should have retired earlier. What to do???

If I were Roberto Donadoni...

Bad news. I just met the chairman of the Italian National Team. He says that unless I qualify and advance to the next stage of Euro 2008, I can fu**ing kiss my Italian job goodbye. This time it seems really true; I massaged his back, scrubbed his feet, and darkened his boots. It just doesn't convince him that we were unlucky to be at this difficult position because if I called the damn repair man to fix the damn hole in the drain Cannavaro wouldn't have fell inside and break his foot.

I need to beat France, the team which is managed by the guy who copied my hairstyle. He's okay, I should be able to thrash his team 3-0 easily, but for Holland, it is a different story. That wily and sly van Basten may not field their best players in order for me and Donemech or whatever his name is to be out at the group stages. Dino Zoff said we could qualify, but pl-ease! He's already 66, he better go x-ray his head and see if there's even a brain inside! If you were so accurate you wouldn't have let Maldini kick your ass by beating your record.

What to do...

If I were Fabregas...

No way would I want to face van Persie. I know there is a high possibility that Spain would meet Netherlands in the semi-finals, but I would rather sit on the bench. He's good, and I really hope he doesn't execute that "flying kick" which scored him a goal years ago, which was deemed by many the best goal he scored. I don't want to end up like the 2 idiots Rooney and Ronaldo, who fought like babies at the World Cup 2006, who then stupidly patch up their differences by treating each other KFC meals. Bummer.

Guess my fate is sealed .. I WILL face RVP, but whose team will win?